Someday Soon

I should seriously be studying, but the sermon this morning totally moved me to B I T S.

I shared this with my mum, and I think I saw her tearing a bit. Which makes me tear a bit as well. Aha... I remember when my mum used to be really moody a lot, and she used to make me so incredibly angry because I always thought she just never showed any understanding. And I don't mean this to sound like some type cliche, but after years of having this deep-seated anger toward my mum, for always criticising my sisters and I (she loves my brother:P), I suddenly have this new-found care for her, like I always want to tell her things and always want to show her that I appreciate the food she cooks and how when she comes back late from work, I try to make her feel welcomed. It must have been hard for her, for y e a r s, to come back home at like 11pm every night to a house full of snotty, bitchy kids.

But really, after years (everything seems to happen in years haha), her mood really just softened. And I don't know if it was because my mood softened, and out of all my sisters I became the one to finally show love to her, or if it was because she started to attend church. Either way, I feel like God has kinda made his move in both our lives- for me to become humbler towards her, and for her to become well....less moody:)

The message I heard this morning was in itself, something I thought would resonate in a lot of people's hearts.

When I walk past a rubbish dump, or go through Werribee... or even smell my brother's farts. It STINKS like **** and I can't help but go EW and smother my face with my own germ-infested hands. The smell is putrid and should be replaced with Burberry's The Beat (cos of my idol Aggy).

When someone approaches me asking me to 'kindly donate money' to a charity/cause they are representing, I feel somewhat torn to part with my precious two dollars. I start thinking of excuses as to why I shouldn't donate- they're frauds, I only have two dollars...or I don't even think at all and just stare at them blankly, as if my stare would read the expression 'please go away'.

When I reflect on my exchange trip to China (boy was it FUN!), I can't help but to also remember all the 'ghastly' sights of desperation. From seeing a beggar with a seriously charred face that you could almost mistake him for an alien (more so than Jessica Wu), to having watched and laughed with my friends, at two beggars who were literally clinging on to my Chinese teacher and asking him for 'qian'. ( $$ ) We would also frequently visit our favourite black-market, that sold E V E R Y T H I N G- from Adidaz shoes to Folex watches. But I would hate it there, it was too crowded, too smelly and I was constantly, no, ALWAYS followed and hassled by chinese men and women desperate for me to buy their fake goods.

And when I look back at my attitude and thoughts and just disgusting manners that I had, I can't help but feel really convicted and like I am, in fact, everything that I despise in people.

We are able to surround ourselves with good smells and good looking things/people. Simply, like really, simply because we were born into it. I feel like I haven't earnt anything that I have...I'm really blessed by my parents who sent me to swimming school so I could win lots of races in high school, really blessed by my grandma who sends $$ so I can buy 150$ textbooks, really blessed that my parents chose to move to Aussie Aus land, so I can boast to Ethopia, Cambodia and those beggars that were clinging onto my Chinese teacher, that I can walk from my house to my local milkbar without getting raped, that when I'm having a dilemma, it's over the fact that I can't make up my mind as to whether I should have KFC or Nandos and that my house has five toilets:\

But I don't want five toilets (seriously, no one uses the one downstairs), and I don't want 150$ textbooks (especially because there's this online medical site and it lets you download heaps of textbooks).

There is so much we can do for our 'friends' who have no choice BUT to hassle people for $$ and live in fart-smelling places. And it is impossible for us to go jetsetting off to these places in the hope of becoming the next Mother Teresa of the world.

Actually, it's almost beyond our reach to save the world, but it is quite possible for us to save our world. When you see a stranger, don't think 'mean bus driver, bitch, fat', try to think 'friend, human being, someone who's had a tough day, mother'. When someone treats you badly, just remember that you've probably treated a million other people just as worse. And when you look at your studies, just put yourself away, and think 'this is for that person I'm going to help in the future'.

And if you really think about it, it seems like everything just has so much more meaning when we're doing it for someone else.

PLC PCL

i miss high school:(

today, my little sister came into my room anxious and upset cause she only has 2 weeks left to study for her year 10 exams.

i shoved gray's anatomy in her face and told her i had to learn that in three days.

It's in the Little Things...

schticker is so adorable!

anyhow, i totally scammed this from citylife's news bulletin, but whatevs- it was a really sweet yet simple message that caught my eye and i thought since we on a rollll to promoting the goodness of human nature, here goesss :) ::

I was walking around Fountain Gate shopping centre last week and a woman I didn't know gave me a really nice smile as we passed each other on the escalator. She caught my attention and smiled. My natural reaction was to smile back and it felt great. This got me thinking: why don't we smile more often at strangers passing by; why do we reserve this act of kindness for our friends and family? The incredible thing is that it's free to give!

Sometimes we can get caught up in thinking that we have to give more or we have to do more for it to be worthwhile. But I want to encourage you to throw away that kind of thinking. Instead, start with the simple stuff and watch God move.

Why don't you challenge yourself this week to smile more often for no particular reason. Find something to thank the Lord for (out loud) (or if you're not Christian, just find something to be grateful about:P:) every day, it will shift your focus from negative thinking. Share an encouraging word with your husband and children (or your uni friends, to each other, your mum and daddiess)...it will surprise and uplift them. Introduce yourself to a neighbour you have never met before (or even someone at uni) - let a friendship develop. Catch up with a friend for coffee, just because. The list is endless! There is so much we can do. But with these simple, yet important actions, God can work great things. Why don't you give it a go, instead of just thinking about it.

Sharon Claproth, Casey Women's leader


mmm!!

pieces of what

wow, two blogs in one month. that's nearly more than enough for me:P
don't get me wrong though, my mind isn't lazy...it has just been seriously pre-occupied with redundant, pathetic, dreamy escapades/fantasies/hopes/wishes/soap drama-like scenes.

this is mostly in response to the anchovy's post, simply because it was sad. well it was very thought-provoking, but sad. It's sad to think that we are on this world to 'merely exist'.

if there was one thing eve should have done, it was to ask God how to live. eating the apple was fine because if we really think about it, if she didn't eat the apple, then we wouldn't have this gift of free-will. through that we've just developed our personalities, our habits, our mind-set, our drivesss, our motivations, our artistic flare (or lack of), our interests, our narcissism...

as with everything, it seemed that some good came out of it...some:S

in contrast, i think human nature is the "most philosophised, agonised, mulled over, argued, analysed and emotionalised topic in the history of mankind". I mean, why are people the way they are? Why do some people feel the need to push and shove? What makes emerald eyes hot? Why do people treat friends like shit? Why does the world need to know about what i'm thinking? Why do we have to feel belittled if we can't look/act like Lady Gaga? (she almost made humping an inflatable whale hot)

at the end of everyday, i feel like there just has to be more. i mean, sure enough i allow a conversation with certain people (someone) affect how i view my day. but as i prepare myself for a newwww day, i feel like there just has to be more.

i mean, why do i feel like that? i feel mediocre. but then again, you can't just mill around and expect a big bang to signal the start of a 'new satisfying life'.
Oh, and there it is, the answer to my problem.

we have legs that can take us places, hands that can write a million stories, a mouth that can criticise&encourage, a mind that craves and a heart that can withstand a break.
there's no such thing as the end of the world until that golden chariot reigns down. and until that day, we are supposed to just do so much more than we are doing r i g h t n o w.

you have to tell yourself what you want. otherwise you'll always forget it, especially when lady gaga tells you that all you care about is runway models, cadilacs & liquor bottles.

you just have to tell yourself what you want and well, just run.




there's a place I'd like to go somewhere out west,

it's not specific, and the pictures show it best.

I know there's trees I know there's sand and I know there's grass,
I know it's somewhere in the past.

21st Century Lives

waiting for a stranger, to make a new connection.
i just want to know your name

so, when did I last leave.

In Melbourne alone, there are nearly 4 million people living on our streets. In Australia, there are 21 million civilians. And the world, a whopping 6.6 billion. If you think about it, that's 6.6 billion people with different minds, personalities, backgrounds, families, fingerprints, toeprints, tongue prints (except if you're an identical twin. hmm...I wonder how many identical twins there are in the world). Just 6.6 billion different stories.

It's fascinating to think that God has absolute, thorough, incomprehensible knowledge about each and every person living on earth. To think that he thought of every single person's height, that he thought of how many moles someone should have on their face, whether someone should have a big bum or not. Just absolutely everything about one person. Then times that by 6.6 billion.

But thinking on a much simpler and human-ic level, that's 6.6 billion people for us to know:)

A lot of what I see is starting to contradict what I think. Well, not really contradict lah, more makes me think otherwise. It's interesting to note that when we actually look, like really look, around us, there is actually a lot to see, a lot to think about. (Hopefully it's not just my over-active mind speaking here:P)

On my bus from Blackburn to uni, there's the occasional mentally-ill person (actually, always), the business man, the business woman, the old grannies - sometimes there are even groupies of grannies, the high school kid and of course, uni kids just like me. We all sit, somewhat alone in our own space, wondering and glancing about the people around us.

Every now and then, there are the 'odd' couples that really intrigue me. The Indian with the bogan- now, how did that come to be?! Or the two fobby lovers - I'm still jealous of them. And the really hot ones- but I guess on my part, they're more just the eyecandy.

Sometimes I find myself so compelled and so willing to just turn to the person next to me and ask, 'Did you have a nice day? How did you spend it?'. But of course, my insecurities get the better of me, and I'd rather remain mute then scare my 'friend' away.

It's just so, tragic really, that there are all these people on earth: Around us, on the same train as us, on the same bus, in a queue with us at a concert, at the supermarket, in the same course as us, sitting next to us in a lecture, and there's nothing. No exchange of words, no polite 'hello' or the meaningful smile. Just nothing.

Everybody has a story to tell. And who knows what hidden 'treasures' 'lie' 'beneath the surface' of the next stranger we try to befriend.

So I'm going to challenge myself, and of course my fanreader (note there is only one), to befriend the world- or well, at least climb out, on top of our insecurities and to the next person we sit alone in silence with, introduce ourselves with 'HELLO, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?'

h t e a a l r k t

Since there's no more

It's time

Gone, gone,

oh, why

Waking up was the hardest part.

And for a moment,

Dreaming

I want you back.

with a broken heart.

you could hardly breathe.

can't you take me in your arms

gone, gone

I let you go.

you and me.

Lack Of Violet Embers

hate. it's such a strong word.

so why not use dislike? or i don't love? I'm sure people respond much better to those than 'hate'.

If I yelled out 'I HATE YOU' to your face, I'm sure it'd hurt much more than if I were to yell out, 'I DISLIKE YOU'. Actually, to be honest, I can only picture a gentle, British woman doing that (think the Queen). No one else would bother to censor their emotions. But all that shouldn't matter, simply because I am more interested in the complete opposite. The concept of love:)

Toilet doors are quite entertaining. Especially when you know you're going to be in there for a long run. Most of the writings are amusing, some are full of spite, a few talk about their desires of "romping James Hudson" and there are of course, the ones that don't make any sense, "Yo mama's so fat, she had to lose weight" ...?!

Then there are the serious ones. The ones about suicide, love&war, abuse and sexual confusion. It's saddening to think that they have to write on toilet doors to feel 'heard'. Yet comforting to see that there are people who make sure their voices are heard, and respond 'lovingly', gathering from their own traumatic experiences.

My favourite door was one about love. It wasn't the d&m type of love that everybody tries to explain, but rather, the simple loves. "I love a hot coffee in the morning", "I love waking up next to my boyfriend", "I love watching my children play hide & seek", and the list went on, with different markers adding into the chorus of what they loved.

It was a strange feeling though. I mean there I was, sitting on a toilet in a public setting and reading anonymous scribble, yet I felt 'happy'. It was just one of those nice, unexplainable moments where you feel like there is hope. Like when a hot guy winks at you. Or when the sun shines on you. I just loved the fact that everyone seemed to love something:)

And so I would like to ask you this: What are your simple loves?

I love laughing 'til I can't bear to laugh anymore

I love dancing in my room

I love finding the clothes I want on sale

I love having a really good conversation

I love reading/watching/listening to things that strike a chord in my heart:)

Even giants fall

mediocrity. if it's such an ugly thing, why do we live it?

there are only two answers I see fit:
1. we're too scared to try harder
2. it's not mediocrity, but rather what was once 'the best', is simply, no longer the best.

A man once compared me to a violin. I was a sensitive being, with my finely tuned strings. With one pluck, I could make the sweetest note. But with this sensitivity came a curse of being too easily broken, too emotionally needy, just too much to handle. However, that wasn't the point of his revelation. In fact, the last words he spoke to me were that I was still 'yet to play a beautiful song'.

That happened two years ago. There are days where I feel like the notes of the song are being composed onto a page. It started off with a G, then a C, another C and lastly an E, prettily decorated with a staccato. All in compound triple & the key of E major may I add. But then there are days marred with a drought of melodies- my inability to 'live'.

Recently, these days seem to be never ending. I wouldn't call it self-pity, nor would I call it depression. I would however, call it, 'frustration at my mediocre life'. It's not that I find med school to be all that tedious, in fact it's quite the opposite. It's a subject that requires an insatiable appetite for knowledge, a somewhat desperation to want to excel, a perverted mind? (with the naked bodies and all). And I most definitely lack the former two.

I craveeeee for the notes to appear in my life again. I crave so much for 'doing something big' and for 'changing the world'. I dream big yet do so little. But I guess there a lot more important things than impacting people we don't know. Like, impacting the people we do know?! And making the most of what we have. Sooooo oversaid, but so under-done.

God made a promise with me. And all I have to do is continue writing that song. Note by note, day by day. I guess even Schumann, Bach and Handel wasted parts of their life writing rubbish notes. But at least they kept trying.

stamp your feet on the ground

make it really loud,

make it big and sound.