Even giants fall

mediocrity. if it's such an ugly thing, why do we live it?

there are only two answers I see fit:
1. we're too scared to try harder
2. it's not mediocrity, but rather what was once 'the best', is simply, no longer the best.

A man once compared me to a violin. I was a sensitive being, with my finely tuned strings. With one pluck, I could make the sweetest note. But with this sensitivity came a curse of being too easily broken, too emotionally needy, just too much to handle. However, that wasn't the point of his revelation. In fact, the last words he spoke to me were that I was still 'yet to play a beautiful song'.

That happened two years ago. There are days where I feel like the notes of the song are being composed onto a page. It started off with a G, then a C, another C and lastly an E, prettily decorated with a staccato. All in compound triple & the key of E major may I add. But then there are days marred with a drought of melodies- my inability to 'live'.

Recently, these days seem to be never ending. I wouldn't call it self-pity, nor would I call it depression. I would however, call it, 'frustration at my mediocre life'. It's not that I find med school to be all that tedious, in fact it's quite the opposite. It's a subject that requires an insatiable appetite for knowledge, a somewhat desperation to want to excel, a perverted mind? (with the naked bodies and all). And I most definitely lack the former two.

I craveeeee for the notes to appear in my life again. I crave so much for 'doing something big' and for 'changing the world'. I dream big yet do so little. But I guess there a lot more important things than impacting people we don't know. Like, impacting the people we do know?! And making the most of what we have. Sooooo oversaid, but so under-done.

God made a promise with me. And all I have to do is continue writing that song. Note by note, day by day. I guess even Schumann, Bach and Handel wasted parts of their life writing rubbish notes. But at least they kept trying.

stamp your feet on the ground

make it really loud,

make it big and sound.